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The quickest way to blast a hole  in a  relationship (especially  if it turns  out you  aren’t  matched opposites) and to bring out the worst in your partner is to trample on his or her key feelings. These feelings drive their behavior and sense of self, and over time, damaging them can have serious consequences.

For example,  controllers  thrive  when they  feel they are keeping  things in line and that all  systems are working smoothly. Avoid making your controller feel as if he is losing control or  he could become a bully.  You could eventually  drive  him to look  else- where to re-establish his sense of power.

Likewise, if you habitually  embarrass  or  humiliate your  analyst, she may become a  nag or a com- plainer and there may be no returning to how things were. In the long term, you run the risk that she will leave and look for respect from someone else.

You can do many things to your  promoter,  but if you ignore  or disapprove  of  him too  many  times,  he will explode  and then sulk. He  may be forced  to go looking for appreciation and importance elsewhere.

A  supporter will put up with a lot, but if you  constantly reject her feelings, she’ll curl up in a ball inside and only after a very long time—if ever—will she trust you again. Eventually she’ll go off in search of understanding, value, and acceptance in someone else’s arms.

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