READING TIME: 50 SECONDS
We live in a world where millions of introverts are forced to masquerade as extroverts just to make a living: and it doesn’t always come easy. Here are seven simple tips for becoming a temporary extrovert.
- greet people frequently,
- notice the color of their eyes,
- become a temporary talk-show host and ask “talk-show host” questions (a statement followed by an open question). “I hear Seattle’s a fantastic place. If I only had 3 hours what should I see?” Or become a temporary news reporter with endless curiosity,
- nod and grunt – give physical and spoken feedback,
- make it about them: not you,
- listen to their dreams and hopes,
- use the killer combo of Humbility – a big ego cloaked in a slightly bigger humility.
Start small and safe and grow from there. Some socially reserved people frequently look at socially outgoing types and think, Why can’t I do that? Why can’t I just walk up to a group of people and start talking?
I’ll tell you why: Because it’s not in your temperament. I’m socially outgoing, and my style is to flit from person to person and chat with them. My wife, Wendy, is initially socially reserved: Her style is to socialize with one person at a time. She’s much happier spending an evening talking to two or three people in depth than moving from person to person at a big cocktail party.
If you have learned to label yourself as shy, then my advice is to make friends one at a time—and change your self-label to something less limiting, like “cautious” or “reserved” or “private.” All wonderful qualities. Temporary or otherwise.
Once again, your advice is insightful, valuable and easy to understand. At my program The Speaking Intensive℠, people who self describe as shy or introverted very often complete the program displaying what Lisa and I call “the speaking gene.” In my experience, introverts tend to take interactions and speaking very seriously. So do many professional speakers. I know. I am one.
Thanks Alan I really don’t dig the term introvert. It sounds like inside out and a put down. I prefer “private.” Private is sexy.
Love that – The art of curiosity and open questioning is always the challenge, introvert or extrovert! Thank you as always ; )
This is a terrific article. If I had to pick one tip, which one should I choose?
(See what I did there?)
Cute Michael. Now you’ve got me going. I hope you’re nodding by now. Cheers.
Great article – particularly like the tips about being a talk show host! Clever. Humility is well worth the read as well. Thanks
Thanks Carol. I glad you liked the Humbility piece.
This is a great article. The theory seems to be that if you show sincere interest in others, you exponentially increase the odds they will show interest in you and that becomes the island you build your new found relationship on. I hope I am paraphrasing your beliefs properly when I say words only have a very tiny influence on what we learn and how we feel – 7%; whereas the other 93% is based on what we see or physically experience. So it is not what you say it is what you do that matters if you want to influence someone’s behavior or how they feel about you. Your article is magical as in just a very few words you teach us how to take a theory and SIMPLY put it into practice. Thanks for sharing!
Great article! Thank you!! I’m wondering…is there any experience that suggests the same approach applies to social media connections in business? I have these contacts that I’m not doing business with, or could do more with that I don’t always have the venue to engage with in person but have personal social media connects. I usually am ok with the personal touch in networking but social media seems to present opportunity as well. Any thoughts would be appreciated. All the best.
You are a Genius!!! there are so many extraordinary concepts in the book “How to connect in business in 90 seconds or less”, the ideas and examples and everything is so simple written and so well illustrated that I am so happy I run into this book.
Mr. Boothman I thank you for sharing all this great experiences and your extraordinary thoughts in your book. God bless you tons!!!
Nice article, Nicholas! i never thought aout being a “temporary” extrovert before. You’ve got great tips to gently nudge introverts forward, while being encouraged that it’s alright to take your time at meeting new people. Appreciate the positive, conversational style!