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I am consistently asked, “but what if I’m shy by nature?” Here’s the good news.
Nobody was born shy – it’s not a human attribute. So-called shy people were more than likely born “Cautious” or Reserved.” These are excellent human attributes. I want my bank manager, my accountant and the pilot flying the plane I’m on right now writing this Newsletter to be cautious and reserved by nature.
The only reason people think they are shy is because someone, usually an adult, told them so as they were growing up and learning to think without thinking. So-called shy people learn the habit of being “Shy.” They give little or no eye contact, little or no emotional or physical feed back and feel uncomfortable getting people talking and keeping them talking. They use closed body language and have learned to stifle their natural born curiosity.
The dictionary defines shy as “lacking in self confidence.” How delightful to tell a child growing up and discovering his or her way in the world they are lacking in self-confidence. Even more delightful when it’s done in front of friends and neighbors.
Join my movement to eliminate this debilitating word from the social vocabulary except as it applies to horses when they are suddenly startled and shy away, when you just miss your target and come shy of the mark, or when eleven is one shy of a dozen.
I love this post, can you direct me to some literature about how to modify the described behaviour? Thanks, Susan
Brilliant!
What else can I say? It’s not correct to call a growing person shy, because it interfere badly in its development as a proactive social being. Thank you!
As usual, you hit it on the head, Nick. Growing up in an era of children “being seen, but not heard”, it is no wonder that I was ‘shy’ as a child. Thankfully, I found my voice…… perhaps to other’s chagrin:-)
This explanation of ‘shy’ resounds well with me. Except for the fact that the word was never used. I was instead told that autism was the reason why I felt so panicked in crowded rooms and never knew what to say to people I knew well in places I didn’t. If you call a child something then they may well become that thing but being shy can be overcome, being autistic never goes away.
Thanks Michael – your feedback means the world to me.